Living Room Wreckage

Flowers in the Attic

Shawn: There's a dissonance between decor and sexual persona here that's troubling. Two competing entities are vying for supremacy and the more dominant will imbibe the weaker. I'm thinking Jo versus Blair on The Facts of Life or that thing that happens when a zygote absorbs its twin in utero, but then it still lives on in spirit and wants to kill like in The Parent Trap.

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A Tiny Little Chair of One's Own

Steve: I don't think anyone appriciates subtlety any longer. Elegance. The quality of small-ish, less ostentatious furniture. This tiny little recliner, originally designed with a Schnauzer in mind, says, "small furniture can make a big statement," or perhaps it says, "I may be tiny, but I pack a wallop."

To the left (to the left) we see everything you own in a box a tiny little card table with a delicate table cloth fit for a princess, and the start of what we must assume is another, matching tiny recliner.

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Ted — Racing Stripe and Satin Oppulence

Steve: This is the story of a simple man, surrounded by rich fabrics, beautiful men, and incredible bargains on showroom-quality home furnishings. Let the man be known as "Ted." A.K.A. "Snuggles." Ted's secret underwear are about to be unleashed on an unprepared world.

Nothing can make you ready to receive what you're about to encounter.

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A Work in Progress: Nature and Confinement

Steve: "Oh, what? Sorry, I was just working on some things down here. No, it's alright — come on down. None of this is technically ready to be viewed yet, but I think you can see where it's going. It's all about nature and confinement. But the thing is... I can't find a good way to work in more than just six of seven of these hats, and my iguana escaped from her terrarium last night. She's here someplace. Bessie! Bessie! Come back!"

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The Proper Care of Art -- Ricardo's Lesson

Steve: This serene, gallery-quality forest print on pressed fiberboard has started to warp and ripple. The humidity level of this environment is TOO HIGH for the proper care of art. This print must be moved to an environment of lower humidity immediately if the remaining value is to be preserved. Art is something that must be treasured, like a fine fur.

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Where'd You Get This Stuff?

Steve: "People ask me, 'where'd you get all this stuff,' and I always tell them, 'I just, you know, found it.' I find stuff pretty much everywhere, and I just take it home. That's my look. I think it's cool how everything in the world sort of goes together, you know? A bonus tip is cover things in foil."

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Mike and Rodger's High-Class Sitting Room

Steve: Classical. That's the main thing we were going for when we oversaw the decoration of this room, so I told the designer very plainly that I needed there to be lots of swirly bits and... classical stuff that would let people know where Rodger and I stand financially. I told him, "I want there to be... silver things. And swirly things. And satin stuff and tassels. Like in cartoons about people who are rich. Make it like that."

This is genuine laminate flooring. Please wipe your feet.

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Use Shelf Space to Declare Your Fabulousness

Steve: My colleagues are going to disagree, but I'm going to just admit that I'm comforted by this. I know it's not stylish. But does it look like it's trying to be stylish? No. The guy knows what he likes and isn't embarrassed to just display that stuff. The only real issue is posing with an erection in front of a picture of one's grandmother.

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Mr. Hodges Absolutely Normal Paradise

Steve: Welcome to my humble beachfront property. I'd introduce you to my beagle, Miss Sarah, but she's been sleeping since Wednesday. We keep things pretty quiet around here. Mostly we like to tell the first part of jokes we remember, or sometimes we compare similar objects and make Jell-o.

Did you notice my monster plant? Oooh! Scary, right? A monster! I think it's good to keep people on their toes. Got to stay sharp.

What about a game of Uno?

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