Dens From Hell

Bear Stearns and Black Holes

Richard: Here at Lurid Digs, we're not what you'd call "political". I mean, we think PETA is fine, as long as it's warm and served with a hearty side of baba ghanoush.

So this may seem a departure from our typically detached, snarky stance, but we simply cannot sit idly by while average Joes and G. I. Janes are forced to live in squalor due to the economic policies of the current administration.

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Chuck Jones: A Room Of One's Own

David: OK, so here's the thing people -- everything is working in this room. You've got a theme and a color palette that supports it. Great! Work it. The 24/7 homage to Chuck Jones? Why the fuck not? Hell it beats a room full of Chuck Norris dolls. All's well here until the eye drifts over to the lower right hand corner of the photo and we notice -- what? A giant porcelain rabbit and a mirrored disco ball. Oh no. Thematic symmetry shattered. The senses balk.

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Pull Up to the Bumper, Baby

John: Heaven's Portals are now open for business. That mural, first of all, then the holy water fount, then the banker's lamp with the faux stained glass. And back to the mural again. This is what it means when the senses reel.

Gods, cupids, angels -- and meaty buns ... hard-as-granite meaty buns ... please-be-seated meaty buns. I need to lie down now. Medic the room is spinning.

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Sixteen Lazyboys Keep Globe Tilted on its Axis

David: There are fifteen more rocker/recliners crammed into this room. Each one occupied by a full-bodied, naked and erect German guy. They are each swaying back and forth, in time to the "In Fernem Land" aria from Wagner's Lohengrin.

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John Wayne Gacey's Little House on the Prairie

Richard: "Yo, yo, yo, giving a shout-out to all my homies on the Terre Haute west side! I got it going on with the gangbang gangsta style over by my crib, so all you bitches and hos swing on by for some off-da-hook boot-knockin' action, bay-bee. I be all about it-bout it, yo... Huh?... Aw, mom.... Yeah, alright, I'll keep it down."

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Rec-Room-Cum-Dungeon

David: Ethnic chic! The upside down Chinese hat on the ceiling makes this interior a shoo-in at the next Christopher Lowell Home Beautification Awards ceremony.

Richard: Unfortunately, I can't see quite enough of the interior to be insulted by it. Not that I'm complaining about my dog's-eye-view of a fat cocksickle, mind you...

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Daddy Day Care

Richard: Dear Mommy: I hope you are having fun with Aunt Doris. Daddy and I are great. Yesterday we went to the park, and the day before that, he took me to a party with some of his friends. We all went swimming in the hot tub, and then we played Twister. It was nice. Daddy wanted me to show you that I am wearing clean underwear every day. You can see it in the picture! Daddy's friend Steve came over and did the laundry and then took pictures of me. I wanted to send another one, but he said you might not understand it so I didn't. Come home soon.

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Cat Motif Fever

John: Like, could these cats be more uninterested? Is dust circling in the air really that mind-blowing? This photo reminds me of that Pre-Raphaelite painting of Ophelia drowning in a stream, where there are so many things in the picture and all of them are in such perfect focus that it's hard to pick out which one is actually Ophelia. Oh, I get it, the one with the hardon.

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