Bedroom Terrors

The Fine Art of Saying NO! (And Definitely Not!)

David: I know the ongoing recession has driven many of us to cut back on our spending and also relocate due to exorbitant rents. But something I’d advise none of you do is add more clutter to already too-small spaces.

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Fashion Weak

Richard:Someone — possibly George Bernard Shaw — once said that youth is wasted on the young.

You know what’s not wasted on the young? Rit fabric dye.

Whoever decorated this room is clearly on the green side of 30. Hell, I don’t know anyone over the age of 25 who thinks that booze bottles are acceptable bibelots. And everyone who’s been to college knows the pain that comes from removing dozens of taped magazine clippings from the walls. That’s a mistake you don’t make twice.

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Just A Spoonful of...Well, Never Mind

Eric: Parts of this little corner of design hell are eerily familiar to me. I have a set of denim drapes. They're in my Gay Vintage Farmboy guestroom. Also there is a lamp my father made in shop class in 1955 and the 'Early American' bedroom suite from my adolescence, pieces of which I drybrushed to cover how inexpensive they were.

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Goin' For Baroque

Eric: Guys, there's no shame in wanting some ornamentation our lives and homes. We're gay men, not lesbians.

But look at this place. Enough is too much. Liberace would want to take this down a notch. Curlicues and gilt and such must be used sparingly. The modern eye can't take it, and neither can my nerves. There's enough here to emasculate an entire house.

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David Lynch Does Doogie Howser

Shawn: Look, we all have our familial resentments, but those are usually best aired in a controlled forum like an intervention, an exorcism, or a cock fight. Working out your ire against Mommy and Daddy via a Recon personal ad should be reserved for those with the last names Barrymore or Lohan only.

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A Scream Down Memory Lane

Eric: Mostly, I love this job. Interior design, snark, and penises all at the same time? A dream come true. Yet sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat, terror seizing my throat, with my flight instinct in overdrive. Wanna guess which reaction this room gave me?

There aren't enough invisible quotation marks in the world to make this mess work. Not by far.

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Click Bait Waiting to Happen

David: For all of this room's seeming 'innocence', the disturbing clash of colors batters the eye, and triggers a low-grade vertigo. Spinning and spinning until we tumble to the floor, taking refuge on the Ikea doggy bed/futon arrangement.

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Open Up to the Possibilities

Eric: The great grey beast is behind us, and Pastel Hell has not yet begun. We're in the end-season doldrums, and it's showing in our décor.

What to do, what advice to give our young supplicant?

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Hatching A Giant Egg at Home

David: We've read about this phenomenon on some of the freakier websites that we visit after all the kids have gone to bed and the cat and dog are snoring in their beds and blankets. But imagine our surprise when we actually encountered a photo that appears to be the AFTER, in a BEFORE AND AFTER series on home incubators.

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Fancy a Shag?

Barrett: For once, I’m perplexed why a reader submitted this room for Lurid Digs. There’s a cozy warmth to this delightfully cohesive design scheme and it just makes me want to curl up by a fire post-coitus with a warm cup of equal parts non-fat Swiss Miss and Rumple Minze. It’s going to take some detective work to find this hideaway, but all signs point due north, so that’s a start.

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