Bedroom Terrors

A Sun-Dappled Moment of Exquisite Languor

David: Like sand through the hourglass of time: He's back! Mr. Yuletide Splendor from several months back. And Whoa Nelly -- striking a pose that would send Manet into paroxysms of impressionistic ecstasy.

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Hidden Transgressions — Beyond the Puppet Guardians

Steve: So here's definitely something interesting, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what to make of it. I quickly ruled out being turned on, so what I'm left with is a combination of fear and pity.

Let's not focus for too long on the obviously askew elements of the composition, like our seductor's puppet companions, or the belt he bought on sale from the girls section at Hot Topic, or the rubber band he's using as a cock ring, or even the ski mask.

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When Worlds Collide

David: There are two alternate realities colliding here. To the left we have the model's "old" world. The apex being the teddy bear shrine (representing infancy), bookended by various colognes (the adolescent teenage years). And I bet there's one of those wooden "keys and loose change" catching devices up there, too -- indicating adulthood. All of this is punctuated by what seems to be an antique etching of a downtown cityscape, I like that.

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Blue on Blue: Raverboy-Wannabe

Richard: This bear is obviously a neophyte collector of stuffed humans. Had he any experience in the field, he'd know that this Dakin-model "Ron the Raverboy Wannabe" flooded the market in 1995, diminishing the value of every other Dakin favorite, including "Phyllis the Fire-Eating Dyke" and "Ernie and his Espresso Enema." Perhaps this bear should spend a little less time smoking in bed (note the prominent cigarette burn in the comforter) and a little more time watching Antiques Roadshow.

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Laura Ashley Meets Captain Kangaroo

David: This personal space is the "poster child" of bad American interior design across the globe. In one fell swoop it brilliantly unites several conflicting "styles": Colonial (the headboard), Haight Ashburian (the Escher-like poster), Laura Ashley-esque (the pillows and hat "hangings"), post modern Captain Kangaroo (the stuffed rabbit), Parade magazine memorabilia/effluvia (the wall plate) and finally -- the most obvious -- Queerola Homeboya 2000 (the Calvins-clad model). I'm impressed (and dizzy). Now, torch it!

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