Bedroom Terrors

Once in a Blue Moon Room

David: I've never understood the application of shelving that is too small to actually shelve anything. What's the point? Though I guess the toy train set that's positioned above the homeowner's head is fitting, given the depth of the shelf -- but still, it just looks off to me and cheap. Aside from the alarming concern for the all blue walls and door, I've got to comment on the greasy mirror.


Behind the Little Shop of Horrors

David: This is one of the oddest rooms we've encountered in quite a long time, and, well, we take pride in thinking we've "seen it all." The disaster quota is low here, but our displacement meters are maxing out all over the place. The initial vibe is that we are in a back room behind a florist shop, like maybe that black curtain leads to the front of the shop and mom is out there managing customers. Ew.



Eric: My hatred for shiny wooden walls is well-documented. Scroll waaaaaaaay back to "I Never Met A Mancave I Didn't Loathe" if you have the strength and/or you need a refresher.

Seriously, whitewash that shit. Then you have options-- gentrified rustic, industrial, country house, seaside charmer...


The Music Man's Dilemma

David: This is a space where music is paramount and order and symmetry don't count for much. There are actually about 13 guitars in this room (we've seen other online shots from this series) -- some behind the doors in those closets, some under the bed, some hanging in a sling next to the bed. The devotion to music here is beyond manic, in fact there are so many guitars in this room there isn't any room for clothing, so this room is experienced with the owner being naked all of the time.


Orange is the New, Well...Orange

David: You know how some pet owners, especially if they own a dog, begin to resemble their pooch over time? Well, there's a bit of that phenomenon going on here -- despite the absence of a canine.


Toys for Hots: A Room as Time Capsule

David: It’s assumed that a lot of the loot that was unearthed when various Egyptian Pharaoh’s tombs were excavated was in place to symbolically represent the span of that particular ruler’s time as royalty. So toys from childhood, small thrones from his teen years, favorite hieroglyphs, were gathered together and put on display to give a chronological feel for the king’s time on earth.


Living The Dream (Catcher)

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Richard: Last week, I received an email that said (I paraphrase): "You spend a lot of time writing about the worst interiors, but could you give us some tips on good design?" A fair question, indeed.

Here's the answer, in one exquisite photograph.

There's absolutely nothing in this room that I would change. (Well, four things, but they're minor. Mostly.)


Visions of (Haunted) Love

Richard: I can write 'til I'm blue in the balls about the dos and don'ts of decor. But none of that advice -- not one undeniably brilliant word -- will do you a damn bit of good if you've moved into a haunted apartment.


The Man Who Mistook His Bedroom For A Cat

Richard:Sometimes, you see a room and you think, “Oh, that’s nicely done.” Other times, you can’t shut your browser fast enough.

And then there’s this. I can’t even focus on this room to form an opinion about it. My gaze keeps slipping into the middle distance because the carpet is essentially a monochromatic Magic Eye painting, and my immediate response when confronted with any Magic Eye painting is to search for the hidden image.


Decorating Tips For Poe Boys

Richard: Full confession: I am a sci-fi/fantasy geek. I can recite long passages from Doctor Who, pre-reboot. I once stayed home from work to binge-watch all 74 episodes of the “new” Battlestar Galactica — and not just because I was entranced by Jamie Bamber’s magnificent ass. (Well, maybe a little.) For the past several years, three friends and I have met every week for a potluck dinner, topped off by hours of D&D.



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