Bedroom Terrors

Don't Be Crewel

Eric: With his last breath, our fairy godfather Oscar Wilde lifted his head off the pillow in his shitty apartment, took a look around and declared "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."

I totally understand. I could never get naked, much less dead, in a room where the walls look like embroidery, be it gros point, counted cross-stitch, turkey work, candle wicking, or whatever.
It's an easy fix -- primer, neutral textured paint, and you're done.

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Under the Top: A Monk's Bunk

Richard: Going bare isn't for everyone. It's hard work and requires loads of planning. If you think over-the-top is daunting, just try going under-the-top.

Seriously, any idiot with a Walmart gift card can buy a bunch of crap for the casa. Scuffed table? Put a doily on it! Hole in the wall? That inspirational cat poster will cover it just fine. Maximalism can be artful, but the way most people do it, it's more properly called "thrift store tornado aftermath". Or "hoarding".

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Holidaze Digs: Basements of the Bay Area

Lurid Digs Christmas

Richard: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our holiday home tour of Bay-Area basements, sponsored by Airbnb.

Airbnb: depleting rental housing stock and destroying communities since 2008. Next, we're checking out this tastefully decorated mancave that should give you football fans plenty of decorating ideas. And just look at all that holiday cheer: the dazzling lights! The Santa! Santa's Coca-Cola big rig!

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Once in a Blue Moon Room

David: I've never understood the application of shelving that is too small to actually shelve anything. What's the point? Though I guess the toy train set that's positioned above the homeowner's head is fitting, given the depth of the shelf -- but still, it just looks off to me and cheap. Aside from the alarming concern for the all blue walls and door, I've got to comment on the greasy mirror.

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Behind the Little Shop of Horrors

David: This is one of the oddest rooms we've encountered in quite a long time, and, well, we take pride in thinking we've "seen it all." The disaster quota is low here, but our displacement meters are maxing out all over the place. The initial vibe is that we are in a back room behind a florist shop, like maybe that black curtain leads to the front of the shop and mom is out there managing customers. Ew.

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