Texas Chainsaw Mishegas

David: A good friend who knows about things like this told me that the heart-shaped wreath on the wall suggests that this fellow is a married cheater. I'm not sure how he knows that sorta thing as he's a big ole single fag, but maybe it's related to his own childhood and some dysfunction between his parents.

This living room does have a very QVC-Home-Shopping parental vibe about it, so my thinking is that this guy showed up to housesit for his parents while they were down in Florida and thought he'd do some horticulture magic on the house plants after he was done with his Grindr hookup. Why he thought a chainsaw was the appropriate tool will remain a mystery to all parties involved. Unless said individuals are headless, their bodies stuffed in a hall closet.

One particularly horrifying element to this room is the dog turd-like sofa ensemble -- a brownie-colored monstrosity that threatens to swallow whole anyone who dares to place his derriere on the sinkhole. And that near-ragged Santa cushion is not really working to mitigate the horror. The only bonafide crime here is this room's homogenized boringness -- the story it tells is simple: Pier One had a post-holiday sale and these homeowners committed enthusiastically to the jamboree.