Shawn Baker

Shawn Baker is a Seniior Editor with Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.

Shawn: Look, we all have our familial resentments, but those are usually best aired in a controlled forum like an intervention, an exorcism, or a cock fight. Working out your ire against Mommy and Daddy via a Recon personal ad should be reserved for those with the last names Barrymore or Lohan only.

Comments

ericthewriter (not verified) remarks:

I wonder whose parents are in the picture-- the guy giving the strop, or the guy getting it? Can't decide which is pervier.

Thu, 06/11/2015 - 04:48

Throwslikeagirl (not verified) remarks:

Rose-red accents never fail to provide a quick pick-me-up.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 17:07

Suave (not verified) remarks:

Red butt-cheeks, blue cum-towel and white-trash decor. Add the fact that he's doing his best rendition of a (spread) eagle and I think we have a winner for the most patriotic hook-up you'll find outside of a rest-stop near Arlington...

Thu, 08/13/2015 - 17:00

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David: At first I thought the blue padded mat was part of one of those Barton Patient Transfer Systems, a device that allows folks to maneuver their elderly and addled family members effortlessly in and out of bed. But no, no, no this divan sandwich has been put together by a homeowner who is completely mobile and independent -- in fact he's a bit of a revolutionary.

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Kneads (not verified) remarks:

what is on that wallpaper? Is there still wall paper? The carpet, the sofa cover, the dolls, the only thing that could make this room amazing would be glaucoma.

Mon, 03/10/2014 - 21:22

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Shawn: Is it a couch? Or is it a chair? The fuck if I know, but it definitely was purchased from a furniture factory outlet a stone's throw from Niagara Falls in 1986.

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Jimbo (not verified) remarks:

From the fizzy drink with the bendy straw to the CARTON of condoms to the cable remote all conveniently at the ready atop a singularly comfy-looking version of Chair-y (creatively re-imagined in sateen chintz) this DIY Pee-Wee Herman can scarcely doff his work togs fast enough to settle in for an evening of Playhouse fun, adult-style! Kudos on the kool krib, kid! Now all you need is a salty sea-dog or a Rastafarian cowboy to share those condoms with and you're all set!

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 20:39

motoXdude (not verified) remarks:

You may not realize it, but the fabric on this loveseat is microfiber... it's one of the BEST fabrics for clean-up... that's a good thing to know. I'd hate to have anything spill on it, but rest assured that it's all good... no harm will result!

As for the angle of the photo: I'm undecided as-to whether the camera is off-angle or if the mobile is slipping off the hillside... you decide.

Mon, 11/24/2014 - 23:17

That Seat

Anomalous remarks:

In 1963 that size thing would be loveseat. In 2016 it's a chair.

And microfiber may wipe clean, but one false move with a ciggie and it's off to the dumpster.

Thu, 07/28/2016 - 23:04

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Shawn: I feel like this is a set piece from a big reveal moment in an early '80s De Palma or Lynch movie, just with the novel turn that it's set in Missoula and not La La Land. I mean, there's gotta be a copy of Fleshworld lying around there somewhere.

Comments

Frill Neck Lizard (not verified) remarks:

Yet another low ceiling , timber paneled cabin for viewing pleasure.What really sets this charming room apart is the floor to almost roof curtains of an oppressive taupe color that im sure are almost 98 percent polyester/nylon [if not 100]....& you know that doesnt breathe.The suffocating ambiance is exacerbated by grouping....ok ill call it shoving the large chest [of drawers!] into the corner & the employ of those ever useful corner shelves for display items & ill placed horse racing tribute to the right. An attempt has been made to lift the 'underground' theme by adding blue accessories. These colors can indeed complement each other, but about 15 different shades of the azure palette aint gonna cut it! Nothing says home like a ceramic plate hung almost at ceiling level, with yet more shades of blue. The oxygen level of this room must be so low i'm surprised anyone could think of consuming & digesting the obvious snack items, let alone maintain that healthy erection. In summary, its like a snapshot of a resident in New Orleans who has returned to his humble abode after the devastating floodwaters of Hurricane Katrina have subsided. The tide has indeed left its mark on those drapes, perhaps the blue is a tribute to water...clean water.

And if thats Meryl on the television, then this is indeed the aftermath of 'The River Wild!'

Wed, 12/12/2012 - 22:21

Te Ze (not verified) remarks:

The Blue clock! Positioned perfectly above the middle of the curtains, it's details like that which can unnerve even a jaded moviegoer.

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 06:25

RedBackFur (not verified) remarks:

From that 'junk food basket' on the 'chesterdrawers', it looks like this could be the dank interior of a low-budget cruise ship. The nautical clock is a dead giveaway. And the ghost of Meryl Streep on the telly is clearly displeased.

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 08:45

Uncle Norman (not verified) remarks:

And if you brush up against those toxic curtains your arm hair will stand painfully on end for half an hour, ditto those blue pillows and your butt hair! The real terror for me in this setting is the Eye of God (clock is it?) on the wall over the adhesive curtains.

Sun, 12/16/2012 - 04:57

trawnapanda (not verified) remarks:

oh my - those taupe curtains (badly made, I can see the curtain rail even when they're closed) have GOT to go. The wood is oppressive, and the shades-of-brown-and-beige only emphasise Our Hero's skintones as being akin to library paste. He seems to like blue, so lets go with that. Paint all the walls out,either white or very pale blue, ditto the chest of drawers (possibly sky blue, possibly a darker, almost air-force-blue). New curtains, preferably cotton, either white, or somewhere along the blue scale. No, on second thoughts (after seeing the couch again) that would be too matchy-matchy. White cotton curtains. Wood on the floor if you like, but nowhere higher than the baseboards.

Sun, 12/16/2012 - 13:00

jimmythedecorator (not verified) remarks:

Those satiny, pleated window/wall treatments would make me feel as though I was living in a coffin every day. A very messy coffin.

Sat, 12/22/2012 - 07:42

Mr Nosy (not verified) remarks:

While neither a rich, nor dramatic wood finish,pine is still able to highlight certain room features while chintz taupe is a VERY slimming color. Oh Roy G. Biv,you are a trickster.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 01:35

PassinThrough (not verified) remarks:

Pretty cozy for a reconverted office that was once the nerve center for a successful automobile junkyard, run by a grouchy guy named Tony; now official home of the surviving son who stays in a lot and relishes snacks, his thingee, and that sexy girl "Myrtle" Streep.

Attention decorators! Take in the remodel you can do with just 2 pairs of fiberglass drapes from the now closed down trucker motel across the street, and your old chester drawers from home. Who needs Home Depot?

Sat, 12/29/2012 - 21:03

adam (not verified) remarks:

Tried posting a comment. What followed was a twenty minute abusive investigation of my ability to jump through hoops with DISQUS. Can't find the original comment. Good Luck with the new system.

Tue, 01/08/2013 - 12:00

warholboy (not verified) remarks:

Who knew Man From Another Place had such an impressively curved cock!? OR WORE GLASSES??

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:03

Dr. Peepers (not verified) remarks:

The mass of drapes were obviously a gift from his neighbors.

Sun, 10/20/2013 - 03:20

motoXdude (not verified) remarks:

Florida frightens me. This room looks like an add-on porch to a single-wide trailer home on rented land. Hey: It doubled the square footage, so don't judge too heavily.

Florida is where I will go when I'm ready to die. I will wait in a room very much like this one to die. I will hope that I die quickly... I might even try to speed to process.

But at least I'll have a 32" 720P hooked-up to basic cable to tide my time... and with those thick drapes I'll have the privacy to enjoy my slow death without the intrusion of spying neighbors. I just know that when they learn of my death they'll all come and clean-out my trailer before my relatives never show-up.

Mon, 11/24/2014 - 23:33

Fiyero (not verified) remarks:

Awful interior and someone should tell this poor chap he has Peyronie's disease...

Sun, 02/22/2015 - 14:00

Photoshopped

Ted (not verified) remarks:

Speaking of color, that unit isn't his.

As Hugh Downs used to say on Concentration "Not a match, and the board goes back."

Thu, 07/28/2016 - 23:24

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Shawn: It's like The Walking Dead's title credit sequence -- lots of timeworn objects representing the passing of a bygone world. Hell, this whole thing could be a Walking Dead set. An old schoolhouse, maybe? A crumbling farmhouse? There's an elegiacal quality to virtually every human curio in sight: books redolent of lost language piled on an antique hutch, children's toys gathering dust, Mom's sun bonnet sitting in a box, the keyboard lying open and silent.

Comments

kallmejon (not verified) remarks:

I believe the focal point of the whole room is the window and that fabulous view of the vegetable garden! The computer workstation is positioned to take advantage of the view (How does he get any work done looking at vegetables?). The retro/folk art chartreuse robot is point directly at the garden. And the sunbonnet! Are you sure it's mom's, or has it seen many days of hard work tending the zucchini and carrots. Not to mention a few dangling cherry tomato's and walnuts...

Tue, 11/13/2012 - 22:06

RedBackFur (not verified) remarks:

WIth the Mildew growing on the walls, one best jump out that open window and run away, let lest one acquires a severe case of Mycotoxicosis!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 07:43

Bobbty (not verified) remarks:

Little Edie leaving Wonder Bread for the racoons...

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 11:29

Uncle Norman (not verified) remarks:

Uncle Fester as a young man.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:42

Hairyfatback (not verified) remarks:

You folks are seeing things. The sun bonnet is a lamp shade. There is no vegetable garden. (A soccer goal maybe.) The hutch is a sideboard. The space is a mess in many ways. The resident can't even find his clothes. The place needs to be condemned, not decorated.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 18:54

Mark (not verified) remarks:

The roof is about to cave in, the green multiple dildo robot doesn't work, the neighbors have unleashed a soccer goal outside, the bills are piling up, the stains won't come off the wall or off the office chair, what's left to do but get buck ass nekkid and have a big time!

Sat, 11/17/2012 - 08:15

Tavernkeeper (Gregg) (not verified) remarks:

First time on this site, and I thought I had a witty comment, but every previous one was either insightful, witty or funny Can't wait to see more.

Sun, 11/18/2012 - 09:17

SwankyCub (not verified) remarks:

The texturing on the walls require a little more attention but kudos for not painting over the wood. Also a simple window treatment would help soften that view of the Guantanamo Bay herb garden. All in all, I've seen bigger challenges - and bigger penises.

Sun, 11/18/2012 - 16:15

Mr Nosy (not verified) remarks:

New homeowners on a budget are getting so crafty these days. What with groupon,fatwallet,grinder,and adam4adam,people today know bargains are just a few quick finger pets on an iDriod to accessing a wide selection of bargain debasement design professionals,and/or life coaches. Savvy consumers know many design first responders are naturally inclined to dispense with any afterglow pretenses shortly after arrival,so as to better re-purpose the calving gloves while applying a 50/50 water & bleach mixture to those persistent black mold issues. Today's busy consumer also knows that having a dvd of "Party Girl", starring Parker Posey, strewn casually upon some random pile of books, will lead to an in depth conversation of the organizational merits of the Dewey decimal system, faster than you can say Nate Berkus.All for the price of that,uh, mid-century desk,left by the previous renters. Will he call as promised? My guess is yes,with paint suggestions,as he has a full set of Dunn-Edwards paint chips. A shrewd homeowner's remodeling jackpot,with the worst case scenario being a restraining order,but compared to the savings, its really a minor expense.

Mon, 11/19/2012 - 01:29

Mick (not verified) remarks:

The Prell-green/chartreuse anal training module, perched a bit precipitously atop the pile of old paperbacks--novels? post-structuralist readers? user manuals?--steals the show. How many supplicants could you entertain with that odd totem at one time?

Mon, 11/19/2012 - 17:25

Frill Neck Lizard (not verified) remarks:

Gosh this abode reeks of the occupation of a serious horticulturist. The plants are growing outside, & god forbid, inside[ reference mold]. Lots of academia visible to get that plant life thriving [perhaps literally as the damp 'ambiance' seems prevalent.] That charming bonnet must reference the outside garden activities & perhaps that pseudo poncho is its accessory [skin protection & all , even for the nudist/green keeper.] The timber paneling echoes that 'naturist' focus, but if thats an herb garden thriving above , sustained by that blue gaffa tape, our Gardener is due for a garnish any minute now! Guess who's coming to dinner? BYO cutlery...you never know.......oh and the dressing....i'll leave that alone!

Thu, 11/22/2012 - 05:43

ArjayEss (not verified) remarks:

I'm not one to go all SSDI over mold but this room is true to the theme of this site: Horrifying. And if all those books and rags were there when the leaking ceiling inspired a refrain of "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" on that keyboard, well then triply horrifying. Not to mention, I bet he landed in this room 10 months ago and just didn't get around to putting things where they.....??belong?? Spending too much time bushscapiing I bet.

The color reproduction is true in this pic if you use my method: lips, tits. and glans are exactly the same color. Check.

And that IS a volleyball net - its the room itself that perplexes (as well as gags) me. What on earth are those green things?

Thu, 11/22/2012 - 23:38

EATING POPCORN ... (not verified) remarks:

This graduate student lacks the ability to cover payment for air conditioning choosing to open windows and go bare. It's surprising that he doesn't have any bug bites -- as he'd look ripe to any insect.

His greatest challenge is to prevent water damage all the books taken from the college library -- a very big concern as fees will be applied for damages.

Wed, 12/05/2012 - 14:11

motoXdude (not verified) remarks:

This is what happens when you don't maintain your home. First the roof goes, then the water gets-in. Before you know it the walls have mildew and parts of the ceiling break away leaving huge voids. Duct tape and cardboard can slow the process, but it marches on relentlessly.

Next thing you know your closet gets soaked and all your clothes are ruined. Then your bed and furniture get waterlogged and you're left with all your high school text books and a keyboard. You have nothing to do other than stand around naked and anticipate playing music.

Maintain your home... it's important.

Mon, 11/24/2014 - 23:38

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