Richard

Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com. His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.

Lurid Digs Christmas

Richard: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our holiday home tour of Bay-Area basements, sponsored by Airbnb.

Airbnb: depleting rental housing stock and destroying communities since 2008. Next, we're checking out this tastefully decorated mancave that should give you football fans plenty of decorating ideas. And just look at all that holiday cheer: the dazzling lights! The Santa! Santa's Coca-Cola big rig!

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This is a duplex. Windowless wall on living - dining room side. Basements don't have thermostats, colonial windows are standard in F.O.C. The décor, especially the drapes are 1983; the CRT computer, the torchiere, the lamp, and the chair are late 1990's Wal Mart. The hairdo is timeless in those parts. Cheap digs for sure. The picture is 20 years old. I sometimes use old pics to lure them in, then meet in a dark place. I cross my fingers hoping Mr Right doesn't put a time line on the surroundings. Often works.

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Richard: These are not our usual interiors.

For starters, they're meticulously clean. (The homeowner probably isn't responsible for that.)

They're also a bit grand, in the same way that we'd be "a bit" excited to slobber on Christopher Meloni's pendulous nutsack or gargle with Chris Noth's DNA.

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Richard: Lurid Digs has always cast its goggling, gimlet eye on dodgy design choices: terrifying sofas, unkempt bedrooms, Babylonian towers of tchotchkes, and so on. What we've never done is peek inside people's closets.

Comments

Duh!

Stephen remarks:

All of your commentary would be great, except, unfortunately, this isn't his closet. It is his studio apartment that probably doesn't have an official "closet" so he has converted one corner with a rack to hang his clothes and a curtain to hide who knows what.

Mon, 12/19/2016 - 16:31

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Richard: At my elementary school, we were taught to be "normal". To get that point across, our teachers relied on drawings of bedrooms, stadiums, and shopping malls, each labeled with the same question: "What's wrong with this picture?"

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Richard: (With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)

The air was warm and muggy in poor Casey's living room,
The towering, terrible oscillating fan did naught to relive the gloom.
From the glass-front cabinet, a plastic slugger peered
Out on the cluttered surfaces, while Georgia bulldogs sneered.

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