Richard

Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com. His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.

Richard: At my elementary school, we were taught to be "normal". To get that point across, our teachers relied on drawings of bedrooms, stadiums, and shopping malls, each labeled with the same question: "What's wrong with this picture?"

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Richard: (With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)

The air was warm and muggy in poor Casey's living room,
The towering, terrible oscillating fan did naught to relive the gloom.
From the glass-front cabinet, a plastic slugger peered
Out on the cluttered surfaces, while Georgia bulldogs sneered.

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Richard: Minimalism is the handjob of the design world. On paper, it seems pretty simple. In practice, not so much.

That's because minimalism is a two-step process. Step #1: keep things to a minimum. Which is, like, duh, obviously, but step #2 is far more complicated: make sure the things you've kept are exquisite.

Few things in this room are exquisite.

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Maximum Underwhelmed

Ericthewriter remarks:

I think this may be a Christmas card, and inside is a reference to Chet's nuts roasting.

You're right, as usual. Minimalism highlights the sculptural quality of the pieces used. This doesn't work.

The lazy fix would be to paint the walls black and bring in more lights. Whitewash the chairs and hotglue on taupe upholstery. Put the pictures in the stove. Hang the rug on the wall. Or put it on the table if nails are too much effort.

Tue, 05/31/2016 - 07:41

Olfactory Evaluation

PassingThrough remarks:

I can just imagine the odor of ball hairs burning.

Sat, 06/25/2016 - 18:49

He matched the candles to the

Dash remarks:

He matched the candles to the wall on the one car poster, and his whatever-that-is-he's-wearing to the cars on both walls. I see potential.

Mon, 07/11/2016 - 02:43

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nude gay amateurs, ugly interior design, gay men tragedy

Richard: Last week, I received an email that said (I paraphrase): "You spend a lot of time writing about the worst interiors, but could you give us some tips on good design?" A fair question, indeed.

Here's the answer, in one exquisite photograph.

There's absolutely nothing in this room that I would change. (Well, four things, but they're minor. Mostly.)

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Bed Linens

PassingThrough remarks:

And so, Richard sees no problem with breaking up a set? "Design Expert?"

Thu, 04/28/2016 - 21:47

'Nuff said

Ericthewriter remarks:

If your dream is a room filled with genitalia, be more specific.

Tue, 05/03/2016 - 07:46

Matchy-Matchy

PassingThrough remarks:

Yes I know. Not a good décor idea. But linens are linens. They are sold in sets with matchy sheets, pilly cases, comforters, drapes, trick towels, and prom dresses.

Back in the day,my mother spent hours ironing those things. They were pure white and matched. And when K Mart came out with the bold green/white striped linens (I still have some - now almost 50 years old, look as new as the day they were bought (***anybody remember :"TYFSAK" ?***) she always made sure "green/white stripe with green/white stripe...never mix with white pillowcase." It was rules.

But that was back in the day when the word "flophouse" was still in use. Olive green pillowcases with a navy blue sheet says "tossed things" which is found in a flophouse.

By the way, of the four things to take out of this room, the first thing I'd remove is the heart-shaped pillow; the second thing is kneeling next to the bed.

Sat, 06/25/2016 - 19:47

Dildo's can be terribly

Dash remarks:

Dildo's can be terribly decorative, don't you think? I think that's a line from "Auntie Mame."

Mon, 07/11/2016 - 02:47

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Richard: I can write 'til I'm blue in the balls about the dos and don'ts of decor. But none of that advice -- not one undeniably brilliant word -- will do you a damn bit of good if you've moved into a haunted apartment.

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They Call the wind Mariah

NancySaysNo remarks:

Surely this is a new interrogation technique - tied him down and made him listen to endless Mariah

Wed, 04/20/2016 - 23:36

i must not be gay enough. I

Ericthewriter remarks:

i must not be gay enough. I can't tolerate Pariah Scarey. It's like listening to a cat fuck a teakettle on a fence at 3am. In my opinion.

Another thing I cannot abide is a half-assed shrining. Where's the ornate frame? The votive candles? The shelf for relics? This is just sad.

The space shrieks in 3 octaves for paint. I wonder if Behr has a Caterwaulin' Heifer line. I bet Martha does, and she'd damn well have a dustruffle and computer cozy with which to coordinate.

If this guy would sell the lamp, plushie, and everything else littering the floor, he might be able to afford the matching earplugs and eyemask he most certainly needs. Then he might finally be able to get some rest.

Thu, 04/21/2016 - 09:34

"Call The Wind Mariah"

PassingThrough remarks:

A little OT, but where was that from? I remember snow up to the tops of telegraph poles. The Cascades? Sierra Nevadas? I remember watching that on TV. I was like so depressed (brown grass winter...I wanted so much for it to snow like that at my location)

Sat, 06/25/2016 - 19:54

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