Richard: At some point or other, you've probably been bitten by the home improvement bug. You awoke on the floor of your lanai or your kitchen or, if you're German, your enema dungeon, clutching an empty bottle of Luxardo and thought, "This room could use some sprucing up."
Richard: Ladies and gentlemen, Lurid Digs is proud to present a technological breakthrough: the internet's first scratch-and-sniff jpg! It's so advanced, you don't even have to scratch your screen. Just sniff!
Sniff, and inhale in the musty scent of that dingy sofa (which the owner probably calls a couch)! Why open the sliding doors and let in a little fresh air when you can breathe and rebreathe such an intoxicating fragrance?
Richard: Going bare isn't for everyone. It's hard work and requires loads of planning. If you think over-the-top is daunting, just try going under-the-top.
Seriously, any idiot with a Walmart gift card can buy a bunch of crap for the casa. Scuffed table? Put a doily on it! Hole in the wall? That inspirational cat poster will cover it just fine. Maximalism can be artful, but the way most people do it, it's more properly called "thrift store tornado aftermath". Or "hoarding".
Richard: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our holiday home tour of Bay-Area basements, sponsored by Airbnb.
Airbnb: depleting rental housing stock and destroying communities since 2008. Next, we're checking out this tastefully decorated mancave that should give you football fans plenty of decorating ideas. And just look at all that holiday cheer: the dazzling lights! The Santa! Santa's Coca-Cola big rig!
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