Eric B

Eric B. does not Facebook, Tweet or blog. He uses the internet to cruise for sex, like god intended. He has leopard print in every room of his house, save one. And he does not apologize

Eric:At first I thought it was me. Then I put my glasses on and the room looked exactly the same.

From the popcorn ceiling to Granny's faded wallpaper to the disturbed nap of the upholstery to the cork floor, even to the reflected Olan Mills backdrop, the tenant's body fur and the acidwashed cat's-whisker finish on his jeans (has there ever been a more stupid fashion trend, by the way?


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Eric: Back in 1960, American moviegoers were introduced to Suzie, a gold-hearted Hong Kong whore. The film's cultural legacy is large-- the still-stunning Nancy Kwan, an iconic haircut, quaint racism, the cheongsam dress (see photo),and the realization that the Asiana the men had brought back from their war(s) could move out of the attic and into the house proper.


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Eric: Every once in a while, for mental discipline I imagine how I'd downsize from my garden-level 1200 sq ft back to the 400 of my beloved micro-loft. I bet the occupant of this room never pictured himself in an SRO bedsit. Poor fella. I wish him well.

I wouldn't, however, wish that window mistreatment on anyone. Nothing against lace curtains -- I have half a dozen pair of nice, heavy ecru ones, souvenirs of my Swingin' Edwardian Bachelor Pad days.

But these don't even close. WTF?


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Eric: Parts of this little corner of design hell are eerily familiar to me. I have a set of denim drapes. They're in my Gay Vintage Farmboy guestroom. Also there is a lamp my father made in shop class in 1955 and the 'Early American' bedroom suite from my adolescence, pieces of which I drybrushed to cover how inexpensive they were.


VillageMutt (not verified) remarks:

There is no god.

Sat, 09/26/2015 - 19:33

anonymous (not verified) remarks:

I'm sorry, I know we're not supposed to comment on the occupants, but is that pre-Subway Jared Fogle? He looks so defiant. I guess I would have expected a more kid-friendly room. The stains on the wall are creeping me out more than what I just wrote. It actually amazes me that those pastel, striped sheets look so clean. Although, to be fair, putting the dark navy sheet up on the window is a better choice; dark colored sheets tend to show up cumstains so much more.

Sat, 09/26/2015 - 22:00

ericthewriter (not verified) remarks:

I was gonna make a joke about the Penis of Willendorf but instead i'll just quietly point out that leopard print sheets don't show any stains at all.

Sat, 09/26/2015 - 23:03

Anonymous (not verified) remarks:

This is the mother of all tragic Craigslist advertisements. Imagine the horror to find out the poster embellished heavily and you are greeted by that monstrosity.....a twin size bed.

Sun, 09/27/2015 - 16:56

butchlvr (not verified) remarks:

Eric raises some quite valid design issues. But what I found most disturbing about this room (leaving the occupant aside)is the ominous stains on the wall next to the bed. They're...oh gawd, what are they?? I shudder to think. So, yes, a paint job would be of great benefit. Not sure what colour....something that'd contrast with the Navy Blue sheets used as drapery, perhaps? where did I put my Colour Wheel....ahhhh...okay, opposite of Navy Blue would be... hmmm--mmmm... red? A deep vibrant Chinese Red perhaps? A bit startling but they do say red excites the libido so....but how does one sleep in a red-walled room? not red. What else? Oh...what the hell...just slap a new coat of Ecrue on those walls and be done with it!

Tue, 09/29/2015 - 11:51

ericthewriter (not verified) remarks:

Orange is the complement of blue.

Tue, 09/29/2015 - 16:22

anonymous (not verified) remarks:

You might as well give up and paint it chocolate brown; anything else would be counterproductive at this point.

Tue, 09/29/2015 - 23:32

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Eric: Guys, there's no shame in wanting some ornamentation our lives and homes. We're gay men, not lesbians.

But look at this place. Enough is too much. Liberace would want to take this down a notch. Curlicues and gilt and such must be used sparingly. The modern eye can't take it, and neither can my nerves. There's enough here to emasculate an entire house.


anonymous (not verified) remarks:

You can't have crimson and burgundy in the same room and I would posit that the wall scarf and bathroom rug are both in the rust/burnt orange category. I can't even with the pale yellow sponge-painted wall. The glowing orbs belong in a 1960's Star Trek episode (although, perhaps, they're only white objects caught in some weird flash exposure glare?). If you're going for a Madame du Pompadour look, you're gonna have to get yourself a second antique piece to use as a nightstand on the other side of the bed. Maybe then you can break up the angel candlesticks and electric lamp which certainly don't work together as a motif. For me the mistake that jumps out the most is the choice of sunglasses. Are you going for Bowzer, Devo, or Terminator here??? There are no sunglasses in 'old lady chic' unless you're recovering from glaucoma surgery: lose the shades.

Tue, 08/25/2015 - 21:28

lordgabux (not verified) remarks:

I'm just waiting for Jennifer Lopez to jump in and replay her role in "The Cell." This guy is probably in a coma and needs to be rescued. That would certainly explain the shades...

Wed, 08/26/2015 - 09:28

anonymous (not verified) remarks:

What is that line of white on the inside edge of his hand? Is he doing lines of cocaine on that bedtray-resting-on-an-occasional-table? Is that supposed to be a substitute for a coffee table? Omigod, there's a mini-bedtray resting inside the regular-sized bedtray; there's nowhere for him to be doing lines of coke, he must be snorting it right off his hand. Whatever the size of that painting (that can actually be hidden by his slender profile) is, it's actually still too small to be hung and then showcased by the scarf, even if that bed is only twin-sized.

Sat, 08/29/2015 - 21:29

Gayscribe (not verified) remarks:

The Claude Rains 30's bedstead runs up against the Marlon Brando 50s dark glasses. Every smart faggot knows:one epoch at a time!

Mon, 08/31/2015 - 21:08

throwslikeagirl (not verified) remarks:

One doesn't need all of those extraneous, kitschy accessories with a bed knob like that!

Wed, 09/16/2015 - 03:42

ShannonNoodles (not verified) remarks:

The truly wonderful thing is that this poor soul actually Photoshopped himself INTO this! Was this really the best background he could find?

Tue, 09/22/2015 - 07:51

butchlvr (not verified) remarks:

To be perfectly honest and thereby perhaps invite howls of protest and apoplexy from our resident mavens, I actually don't find this room terribly outrageous. IS outrageous but in a good way! I think it's rather campy and fun. Up to a point.

Where I am experiencing some difficulty, and rather surprised nobody else seemed to catch it, is that -- what? -- blue-light bug zapper thingy hung high on the wall on the right. Does he have a problem with flies in the house? Eeeew. Flies give me the absolute willies!!

The small rocking horse is interesting and kind of cute but does NOT belong on the floor at the foot of the bed. Given its size, it should have been placed on a shelf somewhere, and probably not in this room.

I mean, okay, some individuals may well have such "toys" in place to have sex upon and a rocking horse could be rather fun, what with all that thrusting back and forth faster and faster and....well.... But this? This is ridiculously small to perform such feats of sexual abandon upon. So clearly, it is not for that purpose.

The shag sample he is using as an area rug beneath the bed tray-coffee table and upon which he is resting one well-formed foot ala Michelangelo's David is a horrendous choice! I mean, it's circa 1970 not 1870 for one thing and it's not even really an area mat either... it's a carpet sample! Okay, yes, he likely got it for free but that does not excuse using it! Not here. In front of the kitchen sink, certainly. Not in one's boudoir. My gawd, man!

As for the sunglasses....on him I think they work. Now if he is wearing them in order to hide his identity, that isn't working, but if he is wearing them because they're sexy or mysterious or a tad unnerving, then one out of three isn't bad!

Tue, 09/29/2015 - 12:15

BearsAreFat (not verified) remarks:

This image looks very obviously photoshopped.

Sun, 10/18/2015 - 13:47

Takahiro (not verified) remarks:

AJYou're so cute, Jeffy. You go on and keep believing aihnyntg you want about me. I know with every reply you make, I know you're some bitter old man whose lover is probably the same way. Desperately clinging to one another because you're terrified that if he left, what would you do then? Hookers have standards, too, so there goes THAT avenue if he leaves.I get tested because I want to. I've got plenty of money to spend. Why not give to the local clinic and get a benefit in return? (You wouldn't know aihnyntg about that, would you the only benefits you get are likely Medicare.) I practice safe sex and always have. But again, you're stuck in your jealous homophobic mindset, so of course you couldn't understand that, now could you?My coworkers think you're amusing as hell, actually. One of them really wants to meet you and see if you're wearing a tinfoil hat for all your crackpot ideas.The fact that you speak so approvingly of Fred Phelps makes the point for me. It must be rough being a homo who gets hard for Fred. The self-loathing I'm sure is amazing. (Your lover probably uses his hand a lot, hmmm?)Thanks for my daily dose of laughter! You should write a blog, Whimpering Confessions of a Broken-Down Homophobe . There, now you even have a title.

Thu, 11/19/2015 - 15:52

I can't stop thinking of this

Ingonyama remarks:

I can't stop thinking of this one as "The Time Traveler's Dong."

Seriously, there's a HUGE disconnect between our subject's Adam Jensen shades and the rest of the room.

Also, that hobby horse makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable.

Thu, 04/14/2016 - 22:21

Seen This Too Many Times

PassingThrough remarks:

I could find and get invited home by the beefiest manliest man in the most rusted beat up pick up truck, with the deepest most gravely voice you ever heard and we wind up at a one bedroom apartment, in which guessed it: a wooden happily-painted rocky dockey horse with two pillows on the floor in front of it - exactly as seen here. I have a default, well-rehearsed "excuse" for having to take a "raincheck." It's instant ED.

Thu, 04/28/2016 - 23:55

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