Eric: I'm reminded of my first attempt at self-employment. Seems I knew a lot of folks whose attempts at tasteful decor had gone too far, veered into 'piss-elegant' territory. "Trying too hard," I would whisper to myself. I figured I'd go in and, for a fee, tone things down, even them out, butch up. I was gonna call it Room's Too Gay?, and my fortune would be made. But it was 1975, I was nine years old, and the idea did not catch fire.
Eric B. does not Facebook, Tweet or blog. He uses the internet to cruise for sex, like god intended. He has leopard print in every room of his house, save one. And he does not apologize
Eric: One of the joys of being a double Capricorn is the absolute certainty that everything has its proper place.
One of the agonies is when they're not in it. Like in this dump.
Let's just jump right in. The microwave cart? That's where your cheap pine breakfast counter with slide-under stools goes.
Eric: With his last breath, our fairy godfather Oscar Wilde lifted his head off the pillow in his shitty apartment, took a look around and declared "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
I totally understand. I could never get naked, much less dead, in a room where the walls look like embroidery, be it gros point, counted cross-stitch, turkey work, candle wicking, or whatever.
It's an easy fix -- primer, neutral textured paint, and you're done.
Eric: As a double Capricorn, I must admit that I like it when a guy invites me to come over, and when I get there he's already naked. It's so efficient.
(History lesson: 'wanna come over?' is what used to be code for beer and unspecified sodomy long before 'Netflix and chill' came into usage. Then, as now, '...and hang out' = anal.)
Eric: My hatred for shiny wooden walls is well-documented. Scroll waaaaaaaay back to "I Never Met A Mancave I Didn't Loathe" if you have the strength and/or you need a refresher.
Seriously, whitewash that shit. Then you have options-- gentrified rustic, industrial, country house, seaside charmer...
- 1 of 7
- NEXT DIGS ›